My partner’s ex turns his daughter against me but relies on me to care for her

DEAR DEIDRE:  MY partner’s ex tries to turn his daughter against me but relies on me to care for her.

My partner and I plan to marry but his ex keeps trying to control our lives and cause problems between his daughter and me. I am 39, my partner is 38, his girl is seven.

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His ex cheated and married the man she cheated with, but she constantly tells her daughter that I am not her mother. 

I have never tried to be her mother, just a role model.

It is one rule for her and another for us. When I asked to drop her daughter off an hour early for my doctor’s appointment she said we must not disrupt her routine, yet she dropped her off an hour early to get her hair done. My partner agreed. He won’t stand up to her.

DEIDRE SAYS: I see how maddening this is but try not to let it get to you. Your partner’s ex is unfair but it’s for him to sort, not you.

He may fear his ex will make contact difficult, though it seems convenient that her daughter has another parent to go to.

My e-leaflet Standing Up For Yourself can help him. Families Need Fathers (, 0300 0300 363) can support too.

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