DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend has got a thing about Polish women, or as he calls them, “Polski queens”.
I am Romanian and am fed up with putting on an accent and the traditional Polish dress to please him.
I am 28, he is 32 and we have been together for 18 months.
I met him in a bar and he mistook me for a Polish girl on that first night.
He seemed disappointed when I told him I was Romanian.
He has openly told me he is more attracted to Polish girls because of their “temper and harsh accent”.
I laughed this off to begin with but he’s still going on about these other women.
When we have sex, he makes me say things like, “I am your Polski queen and you have to obey me!” or: “This Polski queen rules in this bed.”
I have been going along with it, as I looked at it as role play. But he insists I put on this act every time we have sex.
I am becoming uncomfortable with it now and questioning whether he actually likes me as a person.
His latest request involved me wearing traditional Polish dress outside.
Because I felt so embarrassed, I refused.
He wasn’t pleased and told me that compared to Polish women, Romanians were “peasants”.
I was so upset I went into the bathroom and cried.
Unhappy as you are?
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He is a hard worker and treats me well. I really do love him and want to make it work with him.
So I decided I would wear this outfit in our home for him.
When I stepped into our bedroom wearing this dress, he said: “Now that is how I like my Polski Queen!”
He asks me to wear it often, which I do, but I am left wondering if the real me is not the person he wants. Or am I overthinking it all?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your boyfriend’s preoccupation with all things Polish is a fetish.
There is nothing wrong with kinks and fetishes so long as both parties fully consent and no one gets hurt.
But you are becoming increasingly uncomfortable with his demands.
You have accommodated his desires but he is unwilling to do the same.
You need to talk to him about how his demands are making you feel and ask if he is willing to compromise.
If he won’t take account of your feelings and your point of view, please consider getting out of this relationship.
Otherwise he will damage your confidence. You are worth more than this.
I am sending you my support packs Kinks And Fetishes and Looking After Your Relationship, which should help the pair of you work this through.
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