Justin Bieber Says the First Year of His Marriage to Hailey Baldwin 'Was Really Tough'

Justin Bieber is opening up about the ups and downs of marriage.

While gracing the cover of GQ's May issue, the 27-year-old singer recounted low points in his life that were caused by his own personal struggles and how his wife of two and half years, Hailey Baldwin, helped him out of those dark moments.

Describing himself to the outlet as someone who was always "compelled" to get married, Bieber said, "I just felt like that was my calling. Just to get married and have babies and do that whole thing." (As for babies for himself and Baldwin, 24, the "Love Yourself crooner said, "Not this second, but we will eventually.")

However, Bieber went on to share how his own personal demons caused a strain in his marriage to the love of his life.

"The first year of marriage was really tough because there was a lot going back to the trauma. There was just a lack of trust," he said. "There was all these things that you don't want to admit to the person that you're with, because it's scary. You don't want to scare them off by saying, 'I'm scared.'"

Bieber and Baldwin tied the knot in September 2018 at a New York City courthouse, just two months after getting engaged in the Bahamas that July.

"They went ahead and did it without listening to anyone," a source close to the couple told PEOPLE at the time.

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On Sept. 30, 2019, the couple hosted a larger second wedding ceremony in front of family and friends.

Bieber and Baldwin, who wore a custom Off-White gown, exchanged vows and Tiffany wedding bands as the sun set at the Montage Palmetto Bluff in Bluffton, South Carolina.

Looking at his marriage now, Bieber said he and Baldwin are "just creating these moments for us as a couple, as a family, that we're building these memories."

"And it's beautiful that we have that to look forward to. Before, I didn't have that to look forward to in my life," he added. "My home life was unstable. I didn't have a significant other. I didn't have someone to love. I didn't have someone to pour into."

The musician also credits his faith as another important factor in dealing with his struggles.

"He is grace," Bieber told GQ. "I came to a place where I just was like, 'God, if you're real, I need you to help me, because I can't do this on my own. Like, I'm struggling so hard. Every decision I make is out of my own selfish ego.'"

"So I'm just like, 'What is it that you want from me? You put all these desires in my heart for me to sing and perform and to make music—where are these coming from?" Bieber added. "Why is this in my heart? What's the point? What is the point of everything? What is the point of me being on this planet?'"

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