I'm married but I might go to a swingers party to have sex with an Italian man

DEAR DEIDRE: I MIGHT be happily married, but I’ll always regret not fulfilling my sexual fantasy of sleeping with an Italian man.

I’m now considering going to a swingers party where apparently there are plenty of “big European men”.


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My fantasy started when I was in my 20s. I had this gorgeous boss at my first job. He was very well-built, obviously a fan of the gym, and he had the most beautiful skin.

He was funny too — always had a one-liner at the ready.

Everyone in the office fancied him, and so there was often talk about what he’d be like in bed. We all thought he’d live up to the stereotype that Italians are amazing lovers.

I’d often imagine what it would be like to sleep with him while I masturbated, and dreamed that one day I could be intimate with an Italian for real.

But then I met my husband — from Derby. He was a catch. He was handsome and ambitious and he had a good relationship with his mum and sisters. I’d have been a fool to walk away from him to live out my little dream.

So here we are now, six years happily married. He’s 35, I’m 38.

Our sex life is functional. My husband doesn’t exactly set the world on fire in the bedroom, but he gets the job done. I do still think about what I’ve missed out on, and I’ve been honest to a friend about that.

She’s single, and has always been very open-minded when it comes to sex — she’s tried BDSM, had threesomes and even joined virtual sex parties during the pandemic.

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Last month, she went to a new swingers club and immediately thought of me — she’s the one who told me it was “full of big, European men”. She claims it was liberating getting all dressed up and having attention from so many men.

Part of me is tempted to go — it would stop that nagging thought. But I don’t want to hurt my husband. Plus, what if I hate it and the fantasy is ruined?

DEIDRE SAYS:  The great thing about sexual fantasies is they are in your head, so you can tap into them at any time.

Surely that is better than putting your marriage at risk? Great sex often comes with a connection, so there is little chance that sex with a stranger will be the best of your life.

If romps with your husband aren’t as good as they could be, tell him. How else is he meant to improve?

I’m sending you my support packs How To Thrill A Woman In Bed and 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex to give you fresh ideas.

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