Danniella Westbrook has admitted that her drug-taking made her a bad mum.
The former EastEnders star, 46, was hooked on cocaine for years while bringing up her son Kai.
Opening her heart on his podcast, she told him: “It’s caused you nothing but heartache and pain.
“It’s about consistency, love, nurturing, stability. I haven’t always given you that. All right, I was clean for 14 years. But before that your life was s***.”
She went on: “I’m not going to beat around the bush. You might have looked like you had everything in the world, but your life was s*** because I wasn’t present.
“You have given me tough love… there have been times when you’ve not spoken to me for months because you’re that exasperated.”
Danniella is also mum to Jodie, 19.
She added: “I know I’ve caused you guys a lot of hassle you didn’t need – a lot of shame, a lot of bullying.
“I don’t know if I would have the love and the patience if it was one of my family members.”
Talking about when she quit drugs, she said: “I just shut that other door like it never happened. I just expect everybody to catch up to where I am.
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“I can’t expect that just because I’ve got clean that all of a sudden everyone’s going to forget the pain I’ve caused.
“I’ve got to realise that it might take other people a bit longer to come around because I have hurt people.”
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These days Danniella, pictured above with her children and her ex-husband Kevin Jenkins, is trying her best to be a good mum.
She told Kai: “I don’t make a decision today in my life – whether that’s financially, where I’m living, what I’m doing – without consulting you and Jodie.” Kai, 23, said he feels no anger towards his mum.
He told her: “When you’ve experienced real pain and you’ve actually got a connection with somebody, you do actually go past all the f****ing b***ocks and leave all that in the room and move on.
“I know that you’re good and I’m good.”
You can hear the full podcast at anchor.fm/kjfernandez.
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