CRAIG BROWN channels Dominic Raab answering your household queries

How to empty a dishwasher – knives out! CRAIG BROWN channels Dominic Raab answering your household queries

Dear Dominic, I’m having trouble loading and unloading cutlery. Sometimes it doesn’t get thoroughly cleaned. Tips, please! MW, Wiltshire.

Dominic says: Well, that’s a hypothetical question, and I’m not going to start answering hypotheticals.

You wouldn’t expect me to start telling you what’s the right way or the wrong way to load and unload your knives and forks. I’ll leave that to a proper inquiry.

All I am able to say in this context is that knives are great for cutting things, whereas, in my experience, forks are better for prodding or scooping things.

Dear Dominic, How about large china plates? Where should I put them once all the other plate racks have filled up? Miriam, Leeds.

Dear Dominic, I’m having trouble loading and unloading cutlery. Sometimes it doesn’t get thoroughly cleaned. Tips, please! MW, Wiltshire.

Dominic says: I sympathise, Miriam. In my job, large plates can be a terrible nuisance — a complete waste of time.

What I tend to do is smash them in half, and then load them into the saucer or small plate rack. And, to be absolutely clear on this matter, I’ve never had any complaints, either from the plates or, in this context, from the racks.

But doesn’t smashing plates in half mean you can’t use them again?

Now you’re misquoting me. I never said anyone should smash any plate in half, Miriam, and no one has ever suggested I did. That’s what I call Project Fear. What I, in fact, said in this respect was that, in regard to loading large to medium-sized plates, in a responsible fashion, well, we must leave that up to the individual.

Just to be absolutely clear, Miriam: I would never smash a plate in half. Unless someone provoked me. In which case, that would be the only responsible course of action.

Dear Dominic, What about cups and glasses? Should they always be stacked face-down in the dishwasher? JB, Brighton.

Dominic says: Once again, that’s a hypothetical question, and don’t answer back. You’re trying to get me to answer one way or the other, and that is something that, as a senior politician, and one who believes in the concept of justice and fairness, I am simply not prepared to do.

All I would say is this. I have been unfairly criticised in the past for stacking cups and glasses face-up. My opponents say that when you take them out, they have filthy water inside them. But this is an ongoing process. We’ve got to look at it from every angle. When you’re thirsty, filthy water can be refreshing. Let’s not knock filthy water.

And if you really don’t like filthy water in your glasses, you can always take a hammer to them. In this context, it’s really important to listen. And I’ve never heard those glasses complain. Let’s learn lessons as we go.

Have you read the dishwasher instruction manual?

Let’s just be clear what we’re talking about here. Am I focused on the job at hand? Yes, I’m totally focused on the job in hand. Thank you for asking that question.

But have you actually read it?

I’ve already answered that question. Let me just say this. In relation to my commitments as the go-to world expert on dishwashers, I will always continue to satisfy and reassure myself in an ongoing process that, on the basis of full dishwasher comprehension, I shall always have every intention of reading the dishwasher instruction manual as and when necessary on the basis of pursuing further commitments to the dishwasher-owning public, not only in this country but throughout the known world.

So what you’re saying is you haven’t read it?

Now you’re misquoting me. But it’s important to see all these issues in their full context, without the distraction of so-called fact-based details. That’s just plain common sense. The numbers don’t lie.

I’m planning to overload my dishwasher. Is this a sensible course of action, Dominic? R.M., Cardiff.

Dominic says: Yes, of course you should overload your dishwasher.

I’ve overloaded my dishwasher, as you advised, Dominic, and everything’s come out dirty.

That’s not what I said. You’re putting words in my mouth. I blame you. I blame the dishwasher. I blame the soap. I blame the dirt. These are all unsubstantiated claims!

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