Jacobs Theatre’s stealth-exit ‘Madonna Door’ rechristened for Patti LuPone

West 45th’s Jacobs Theatre has a separate extra hidden stage door that permits stealth exits. This “Madonna Door” began during Mamet’s 1988 “Speed-the-Plow,” which starred Herself.

Now, during previews of 1970’s much-revived musical “Company,” Patti LuPone snuck out the secret door. Creating a commotion, she stopped, signed autographs, kibitzed with fans, and in her honor, it’s now rechristened “The Doll Door.”

The show won six Tonys, opens come spring on Sondheim’s 90th birthday, and now rejiggers its genders: a homebody husband, a breadwinning wife, and “Getting Married Today” is sung by a gay man instead of a straight woman.

So’s Patti using what once was called the Madonna Door? Answered a smartass backstager: “She’ll use any door she damn well pleases.”

Oh, OK.

Kind man is in high demand

Richard Kind on his movie “The Social Ones”:

“A mockumentary. People with a big dream and high hopes making a small film. I’m friends with them. We all went to Northwestern University, where my daughter’s going, so I thought, ‘OK, I’ll do some heavy lifting for you.’

“This is for young people, of which I am no longer. It’s all Internet stuff and phrases and dialogue, of which I have no idea what I’m saying. YouTube, TikTok, about whatever I know nothing, and kids trying to make a difference in social media, which I also don’t understand. I can’t remember it all. We filmed it a year ago.

“I only know I’m working all the time. Netflix, Amy Sedaris’ show, ‘Mad About You,’ a segment of ‘The Goldbergs.’ I’m all over. I’m soon off to LA.”

To do what?

“Who knows? You have to keep going to Los Angeles so you can make enough money to keep living in New York.”

Cinema Society screened it last night but you didn’t show. Why?

“It was raining.”

Elbow rubs

Guild Hall event. Alec Baldwin, greeting everyone with his elbow instead of kissing or shaking hands, said: “I’m uneasy about going out during the epidemic, but what can we do? We can’t stop living. What choice do we have?”

Blythe Danner: “I’m using my elbows to push elevator buttons. Also taking lots of zinc.”

Sir Paul sure took his time

Names McCartney and Bloomberg don’t go together, but Sir Paul and ex-candidate Mike were temporarily in bed. Politically. The McCartneys did an unannounced, unscheduled, unexpected off-the-cuff afternoon drop-in at Mike’s office. Talked with the staff, said they want nothing but to show their concern and to help.

Unfortunately, they’re a bit late.

Hedge-funder: “My wife opened my computer this morning. It said ‘I love you’ — and then crashed. Not the computer — my marriage. She had seen a note from my secretary.”

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.

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